An Honest Reflection Of The Last Six Months

At the start of this year I promised that my blog was going to be more than just a beauty blog: if you don't know what I'm on about I'll link the post here. Back in January I thought that I was ready to turn my blog into something a bit more personal, I looked forward to sharing pieces of my life through this outlet... but as it turns out just a few weeks after writing that post I was about to have the most emotionally challenging month of my life to date. Even though I had known for so long that it was coming, it was not something that I was prepared for. And I certainly was not prepared to share it on my blog.

I was lost again. Life as I knew it got thrown upside down. In February we packed up all our belongings and moved in so my parents could care for my Nan with dementia. Even though my mum and dad had worked so hard to make sure we had a 'home' to move in to I found the adjustment of being here hard at first. In the grand scheme of things I know that our situation is nothing compared to what some people have to go through. I certainly accept that my behavior during that period made things more difficult for our family, straining my relationship with my parents and making a bad situation in fact far worse.

Then there was the Tinder mistake that happened to coincide with the family unrest. I let myself get caught seriously off guard. I had been on my own for so long that I ran before I could even crawl. It was new and exciting and thrilling. I was running full steam ahead. When actually I wasn't even anywhere near baby steps. I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart girl so it was very unlike me to be careless.

I felt so stupid. It was like my pride had been damaged. An unfortunate price to pay for letting myself get caught off guard. I suppose we make these mistakes in our lives and initially you feel a fool, until time heals you and you're ready to pick up the broken pieces again.

This is me now, trying to pick up those pieces.

My emotions were high. I didn't know how I felt, let alone be capable of putting it into words. So it was easier for me to hide behind my love of makeup hence my beauty blog continuing pretty much as normal. It was too raw to share with the world. If I'm going to do this I want to do it properly, so here  I am admitting that I started 2015 on a royal cock up.

No hiding behind falsities. I will strive to give an honest representation of myself because its okay to say you made a mistake (or several all at once.) Our mistakes, they make us human. They become valuable lessons. I learned how truly miserable my life would be if anything came between my relationship with my parents. I also learned to never land myself in a position again where I am treated for less than I am worth.

But in fact, the biggest thing this roller coaster of a year is teaching me is that your life, your time here on this earth, your memories and the ones who make those things worth living for every day -they are the most precious things you can have. And I want to do my best to make the most of all that.