Learning To Believe

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My relationship status has not really been a subject I've been comfortable to speak about on my blog before. Given that I don't really go into too many personal details on here why on earth would I bring up something like that anyway? However back in the day when I used to blog I was more than happy to mention the fact that I had a boyfriend and yet in the year I've been writing this blog I have touched upon the fact that I'm single once, at a push twice.

So where does this rather out of the blue post come from then? Well I suppose when you've been single for almost two years, relationships,certain people and what's happened to you in the past and then looking ahead to your unknown future, are all things that can play on your mind quite a lot when you let it.

Its difficult to write a post like this without wearing your heart on your sleeve a little bit, but I'm definitely a girl who is pretty guilty of wearing her heart on her sleeve a bit too easily. There is the slight fear that in pressing publish at the end of this post that anyone who reads it knows a little bit of your business. But hey I'm going to attempt and write this in the most honest way possible while keeping some level of privacy to myself.

In my own way I justified my silence over being single as being down to the fact that there wasn't really anything to say - it was a bit like yep I'm single and I'm getting on with it. And yes I suppose I could say I've been getting on with it in some sort of fashion. It has nearly been two years, which I think is quite a long time now. And honestly, being single really isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be at first. Its gives you a lot of time to focus on yourself and exactly what you want.

There have only been a few 'romances' lets call them, for me since being single. What these have taught me is that its always those unexpected people who get you the most, those are the ones that take you by surprise - give you the highest of highs and often the lowest of lows. But they are without a doubt the best. They are exciting. They have you on your toes. They give you butterflies. They make you feel alive. And often they break your heart.

The scariest part of letting someone in is always the fear of eventually getting hurt. Or the painful realization that it wasn't what you thought it was. Everyone has a history. Most people have been burned. Its easy when you've been on your own for so long to be carried away by your feelings, by your fears and somehow it tarnishes your abilities to love again.

So how do you move forward? Do the scars stay with you forever or can you learn to free yourself of them? Perhaps if you're lucky you will meet a person who reminds you what it means to take a risk on someone, and maybe then the answers will all come in time.